There and Here Again: A Hoosier’s Tale, by Rebekah Shirar

Maybe that is what I should have titled my blog. Let me know what you think.

Goodness, I haven’t posted since last year and I’m pretty sure I could write a book equal to the size of The Hobbit with everything that has happened between now and then, but I won’t. Blogs are not meant to be lengthy and I have too many errands to run on my day off.

So now, let me reflect on the high points.

Ah, Okay.

So, I could start by talking about what it’s like to work in fashion retail during the holidays, and even though there would be some comical moments, the just thinking about it for me, would put a sour taste in my mouth and potentially a tear in my eye, so I’m going to skip that. I would so much rather write about how I got my love back, right before Christmas, over Football and beer (wine in my case), how beautiful my mom’s house looked all decorated and cozy; how I helped my brother propose to his girlfriend among close friends and family; and how I spent the new year with three of my best friends from college.

Now, it seems we are all back in the swing of things…the decorations are down, it’s work work work, and some play.

I’ve been helping Benji (my boyfriend, I’ve decided that’s what I’ll call him on here) with some projects on his new house, which I love! Tearing down walls and sanding floors is hard work, but feels so good. He’s so good at teaching me things and I love learning. It would probably be better for him if my girly arms didn’t give out so quickly, but I think he appreciates the help/company and he enjoys teaching. So, we are having fun with that and I am having fun watching him with this house…like a child playing with his new toy.

The house sits on a quiet street just south of downtown Indy and at night in the upstairs bedroom, if you look out, you can see the skyline all lit up between the trees. I think it might just be my favorite. As I was standing there the other evening, I realized that I’m starting to fall in love with this city. It’s taken about two years, but it’s really grown on me. Don’t get me wrong, this country girl will always love her woods and fields, but Indy has so much to offer. And that brings me to my new years resolutions of sorts.

*To find 2 new gems in the city a month. There are so many new restaurants/shops that are popping up around here, fun local businesses that I want to support and experience. I’ll be blogging about those as well.

*To get out of the city more. To go to state parks, visit friends, and get out of the country….

WHICH I AM FINALLY DOING next month! Yes, my flight is booked and I’m headed to NICARAGUA for my lovely friend and her destination wedding. I cannot begin to express my excitement over this first adventure and how great it will be to experience it with a handful of my close friends. It’s my first trip out of the states and what a good reason to go, right? I think it will change me. I hope to catch the “Traveler’s Fever” and go on many trips after. I’ve always wanted to see the world and it’s starting. This Hoosier is stepping out.

Adventure is my word for the year. I’m reading books like Wild and watching movies by Peter Jackson and feeling inspired again. Inspired to be brave, try new things, get out of my comfort zone, love in new ways, and take risks.

So, how’s that for reflection?

🙂

Advertisements

Legos

Control. Spontaneity. Adventure. Life plans. Fate.

To date or not to date?

Hmm.

So I had some free time the other morning before work and decided I would watch a cheesy Christmas movie via one of the best inventions man has come up with yet, Netflix. I Flix on the Net quite regularly.

The main character is a young professional woman in the city. She has a good life, but she’s not quite happy with the way some events have turned out…not everything was going according to her life plan. She had broken up with her boyfriend of two years (sound familiar?) was living alone, and tired of it. She decides she is going to win her ex back by Christmas, and they will  get on with her plan. Basically, she’s a control freak who is afraid of being alone.

Hmm.

So of course I find myself relating to this chick, and I realize just. how. contradicting. and. sometimes. controlling. I can be.

Hmm. The movie continues on with this girl not getting what she wants in the end, but figuring out that her life is actually great, she’s not alone, and she gets what she needs. I got a dose of “hey, life isn’t about plans, it’s about living!” and “hey, live in this moment and be thankful!” and another big spoonful of “hey, it’s not all about you!” Of course, those aha moments aren’t always easy to swallow, but as Mary Poppins believed, a spoonful of (in this case, cheesy holiday chick-flick) sugar helps the medicine go gown.

I took a personality test once which told me that I was a triple sanguine flagmatic. Right. So the sanguine part means that I don’t like to be alone, I am spontaneous, emotional, easy-going, optimistic, and adventurous. Triple that, and I could be all over the place and really crazy out of control (I know some people like this, bless their hearts) BUT, the flagmatic part, tones all of that down so that I have a very logical/realistic side, that looks ahead to the future and likes to make plans.

Being the eldest of three also means, I can be bossy. I admit it. I’m bossy. And opinionated. And I think I’m always right. But that’s not really where I’m going with this…

What this really all means, is that I am constantly in a place of contradicting myself. I have contradicting wants/desires. I act on impulse and immediately regret it after I have thought it through. I want to live in the moment, but plan the rest of my life out in month increments. I want to see the world, but save money and be close to relatives. I want to live in the excitement of the city, but often dream of a house in the country. I want to be married, but also want to sleep in my own bed alone with sheets that stay tucked in at the foot of it. That last one makes me giggle.

So, basically I’m kind of always a hot mess over here. Except, I’m really good at hiding it…at least I think. I’ve gotten better at taking a minute to decide which things I want more, and just going with that, knowing full well that one part of me is going to just have to give up. And that’s Okay.

The crazy thing is that usually, I don’t even get what I want anyway. And that makes me giggle even more.

All of that being said, here is what I think. In the end, we can make all of the plans in the world, but most of them aren’t going to pan out exactly the way we thought or wanted them to. We don’t have control of everything…actually, we have control of very little of what happens to us. Call it fate, call it God, call it life, karma…whatever you want. But, it’s true. The only thing we have REAL control over is how we react.

This is your Selah moment.

I don’t believe plans are bad. Plans are good to have a sort of outline, but we need to understand that plans will and do change. We have to adjust and continue on and choose happiness. And if there is an important person in our lives, we have to make space for their plans. When you love someone, you share plans, put the puzzle pieces together to make a conjoined, new and creative plan that will always be changing. Plans change because we change. Actually, isn’t that kind of exciting?! It’s like Legos!

Incredible-LEGO-Art-by-Nathan-Sawaya-Yellow

Peter Pan and Laura Ingalls

Somewhere at my Mom and Dad’s house there is an old VHS sitting in a stack of other home videos, covered in dust, of one of my birthday parties. Not sure, but I’m just turning one of the ages between 2 and 5. All of my family is gathered around the dining room table watching me open presents. Birthdays are a big deal when you’re little. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and Grandparents all come to celebrate with your parents, watch you make a mess of cake, and open gifts. Everyone laughs and gives you kisses on the cheek. At this particular birthday my Meemaw had given me a card and put  $5 in it. Mom helped me open it and gave me the card. When I saw the green bill my eyes opened wide, my tiny jaw dropped, and I exclaimed with a gasp, “Fifty dollars!?”

If only, while growing up, we could see life the way I saw that five dollar bill. To me, getting five dollars felt like fifty. I was overwhelmed at the gift, having no experience with money, and nothing else to compare it to. Of course, it was probably spent on Barbies, or something but that’s not the point.

What I’m NOT saying is that we should pretend we have more money than we actually do, no, that’s just living in a fantasy and could get you into a lot of trouble. Live within your means, people. What I’m saying is…

This past week was all about Thankfulness. We took a day to realize what we have is actually more. Most of us spent the day with families, eating lots of food, watching football, and then drove home uncomfortably full. But isn’t Thanksgiving more than that? Didn’t you feel a small sense of wonder and gratefulness at what you’ve been given? Wasn’t there a prayer in your heart of Thanksgiving to God for your loved ones, and all that delicious stuffing? Did you not think of others who may have so much less, who were alone and hungry? Didn’t your 5 dollar bill feel like 50?

I certainly hope so.

Peter Pan didn’t want to grow up. I get it, believe me. But, I think he missed an important element. Growing up doesn’t mean losing your childlike wonder, enthusiasm,  simplicity, or optimistic  outlook on life….it means, not spending your five dollars on toys. It means realizing the value of your five dollars, and how it could quite easily turn into fifty. It means realizing that others would kill for your five dollars.

Do you get what I’m saying?

What does your five dollars look like? What do you have to be grateful for? What are you going to do with it? Are you going to sit on it and let it go to waste? I hope not. Are you going to invest it in a life that you can look back on at the end and say, “I really lived.” Are you going to share it?

This past month, I’ve done a lot of growing up. I’m finding that balance between the child in me, and the woman. We never stop growing up. That’s a good thing. Keep on moving on. Take leaps, make big decisions, face your fears, use what you have wisely, learn from your mistakes, have faith….but don’t forget to grab the hand of the little one inside you to remind you…

6a00d834518f7769e2017ee528980e970d-500wi