Control. Spontaneity. Adventure. Life plans. Fate.
To date or not to date?
So I had some free time the other morning before work and decided I would watch a cheesy Christmas movie via one of the best inventions man has come up with yet, Netflix. I Flix on the Net quite regularly.
The main character is a young professional woman in the city. She has a good life, but she’s not quite happy with the way some events have turned out…not everything was going according to her life plan. She had broken up with her boyfriend of two years (sound familiar?) was living alone, and tired of it. She decides she is going to win her ex back by Christmas, and they will get on with her plan. Basically, she’s a control freak who is afraid of being alone.
So of course I find myself relating to this chick, and I realize just. how. contradicting. and. sometimes. controlling. I can be.
Hmm. The movie continues on with this girl not getting what she wants in the end, but figuring out that her life is actually great, she’s not alone, and she gets what she needs. I got a dose of “hey, life isn’t about plans, it’s about living!” and “hey, live in this moment and be thankful!” and another big spoonful of “hey, it’s not all about you!” Of course, those aha moments aren’t always easy to swallow, but as Mary Poppins believed, a spoonful of (in this case, cheesy holiday chick-flick) sugar helps the medicine go gown.
I took a personality test once which told me that I was a triple sanguine flagmatic. Right. So the sanguine part means that I don’t like to be alone, I am spontaneous, emotional, easy-going, optimistic, and adventurous. Triple that, and I could be all over the place and really crazy out of control (I know some people like this, bless their hearts) BUT, the flagmatic part, tones all of that down so that I have a very logical/realistic side, that looks ahead to the future and likes to make plans.
Being the eldest of three also means, I can be bossy. I admit it. I’m bossy. And opinionated. And I think I’m always right. But that’s not really where I’m going with this…
What this really all means, is that I am constantly in a place of contradicting myself. I have contradicting wants/desires. I act on impulse and immediately regret it after I have thought it through. I want to live in the moment, but plan the rest of my life out in month increments. I want to see the world, but save money and be close to relatives. I want to live in the excitement of the city, but often dream of a house in the country. I want to be married, but also want to sleep in my own bed alone with sheets that stay tucked in at the foot of it. That last one makes me giggle.
So, basically I’m kind of always a hot mess over here. Except, I’m really good at hiding it…at least I think. I’ve gotten better at taking a minute to decide which things I want more, and just going with that, knowing full well that one part of me is going to just have to give up. And that’s Okay.
The crazy thing is that usually, I don’t even get what I want anyway. And that makes me giggle even more.
All of that being said, here is what I think. In the end, we can make all of the plans in the world, but most of them aren’t going to pan out exactly the way we thought or wanted them to. We don’t have control of everything…actually, we have control of very little of what happens to us. Call it fate, call it God, call it life, karma…whatever you want. But, it’s true. The only thing we have REAL control over is how we react.
This is your Selah moment.
I don’t believe plans are bad. Plans are good to have a sort of outline, but we need to understand that plans will and do change. We have to adjust and continue on and choose happiness. And if there is an important person in our lives, we have to make space for their plans. When you love someone, you share plans, put the puzzle pieces together to make a conjoined, new and creative plan that will always be changing. Plans change because we change. Actually, isn’t that kind of exciting?! It’s like Legos!